


Nate’s Obsessions and Addictions—The Welcome to Your Life Nate Job

by crayonbreakygal



Category: Leverage
Genre: Addiction, Angst, F/M, Family, Obsession, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-06
Updated: 2016-07-06
Packaged: 2018-07-21 21:31:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7405585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crayonbreakygal/pseuds/crayonbreakygal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Don't take too long."  Traveling through Nate's life in dealing with his obsessions and addictions.  Takes place prequel through season four.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One--Temptation and Sacrifice

**Author's Note:**

> OK, so this started out about Nate's addictions. Then it turned into his obsessions. Then it rambled. I hope I brought it back in so it makes sense. In his mind, you never know where he might end up! The quotes before are from the first season when Sophie told Nate not to wait too long. It just started from there and grew to a life of its own. Also, I broke it up into much smaller chapters. It just felt better doing it this way. Enjoy!

Takes place prequel, through near the end of season four.

Nate’s Obsessions and Addictions—The Welcome to Your Life Nate Job

_Sophie: Uh-huh. Yeah, he'll be there, with the press. Oh, um, I’ve been, I’ve been meaning to ask you. Uh, how was it, you know, talking to Maggie again?_

_Nate: Uh, good. Y-yeah, strange. Good. Yeah, I still feel, uh..._

_Sophie: What? Guilty? About Sam?_

_Nate: No, no, not that. Well, yeah. I mean... yeah, and other things-things, but..._

_Sophie: You never cheated on her, Nate._

_Nate: I know. I know. Tempted._

_Sophie: No, no, you weren't._

_Nate: I was._

_Sophie: Not really. You’ve always been the good guy. That’s, uh, that's what made it fun. Well, part of what made it fun between us back then._

_Nate: Back then, yeah. And what about now?_

_Sophie: I don't know. What about now? That’s what we have to figure out. By "we," um, I mean "you" of course._

_Nate: Of course. Of course._

_Sophie: Just, um... don't take too long._

Taken from leverage.whendarknessfalls.net who transcribed all the episodes of Leverage so that all of us can go back and look at what was said and who said it!

 

Chapter One--Temptation and Sacrifice

Sure, he never cheated, but unlike what Sophie knew, he was certainly tempted.  Every single time he saw Sophie, every single time he heard her voice, every single time he dreamed about her, he was tempted. 

He learned about temptation from his father.  His father was never tempted to stray from his mother.  She loved him.  Nate was sure of that.  In his own twisted way, Jimmy loved her.  He may not have been the most attentive father, but he certainly acted like he loved his mother.  His mother never understood what Jimmy did for a living or why he treated others the way he did, including Nate.  So what Nate knew about love was from his mother.  It was sacrificing for her son, sacrificing her well-being and in the end, sacrificing herself.

So Nate sacrificed for himself.  He didn’t want to be selfish, like what he saw of many of his friends’ parents, the ones who had affairs.  Maybe it was a sacrifice to stay married in this situation, but it was selfish to put themselves in these situations.  Stay loyal, even if it meant sacrificing.  Nate believed in divorce, he just didn’t believe in divorce for himself.  That’s why Maggie had to take that first step.  It was the best thing she could have done for the both of them.  He’d have to thank her one day, probably when he was sober.

Temptation was all around him. Whether it was Sophie, or a bottle of whiskey, he was always addicted to something.  Something obtained his focus, then it never left.  That’s how his mind worked.  He’d replace one addiction for another.  He once read a whole series of books over a few weeks because he was obsessed.  He had to read them all and fast.  His homework was forgotten, his friends were forgotten until he could read every single word this author had written.  After that was done, he’d come up for air.  At least he was only in elementary school, where the work was too easy for him.

 


	2. Chapter Two—Addiction and Perfection, the Early Years

Chapter Two—Addiction and Perfection, the Early Years

School became his next addiction.  He had to have the best grades, the best test scores, the best basketball shot, the best everything.  He was addicted to doing everything perfectly.  When he missed a question on a test, he’d go back and take that test over and over in his mind to fix the mistake.  He’d spend hours perfecting his jump shot or to make those free throws.  His accuracy was good, but he had to be the best. 

The one thing he could not be the best at though was girls.  They all looked at him strangely when he tried to speak with them.  It was like he was speaking another language.  He tried to emulate the guys who were smooth and tending to have dates on a Saturday.  Sure, some of the girls liked him because he played basketball, but they only wanted to hang out.  He wanted an honest to goodness girlfriend.  During his junior year, he grew a few more inches, put on a few more pounds since he was always the skinniest player on the team, and finally helped them win the championship.  Now the girls were interested, but he sometimes didn’t know what to do.  He’d read up on how to talk to girls, but that didn’t help. 

Once Emily came into his life though, he thought he was set for life.  She’d spurned his advances in middle school, but she was all hands by junior year.  He just loved practicing with her, and when he meant practicing, he meant practicing.  She’d do just about anything with him, kissing, groping, hugging, pawing, whatever he initiated, she was game.  Only when she climbed on top of him after a football game senior year in the back of the old Buick he had restored (another obsession), then he knew what girls meant.  He was obsessed with her; how soft her body was, how beautiful her face was, the roundness of all her parts.  It wasn’t just about sex, it was about her.  He was obsessed with her reactions, how she sighed when his hand crept up her skirt, how she squealed if he pulled down her bra, how she shuddered if he thrust up into her just the right way.  She was the perfect girlfriend.  And he thought he was the perfect boyfriend, well, that was until she dumped him near the end of senior year.

 


	3. Chapter Three—Failure and Addiction, the Early Years

Chapter Three—Failure and Addiction, the Early Years

He was all set for the both of them to go to Boston College.  Instead, she ran off with some Irish guy from the motherland a few weeks into summer and that was it.  So instead of Boston College to study religion, he went to seminary school.  He knew he could excel in that for some reason.  His mother had seen to his religious education and was happy when he switched schools.  This was something he could nail, something he’d be perfect at and something his mother would love.  Only after having a fling with a nursing student a few weeks before classes started and basically failing out after the first semester, Nate was reeling.  He’d actually failed at something else.  His love life sucked and his studies were worse.  He fumbled around Boston for a few months until he decided to leave.  It would be better than thinking about Emily (who was now pregnant from that errant Irish boyfriend), better than thinking about his failure at seminary school and better than thinking he couldn’t handle life.

He’d transfer and get his perfect life back on track.  Since that was his addiction, he knew he would be good at it.  His mother wasn’t happy with him and his father yelled at him every chance he got.  It would be good to get away from all that pressure too.  So off to college he went with a purpose.  A change in scenery did help somewhat, but his grades weren’t perfect the first year he was in college, but he knew with effort, he could achieve that perfection.  Sure, they rose, he did well and he had friends.  Only being on the West Coast was strange, but he adapted. 

After graduation, he thought going back to Boston was the only choice.  His mother though had other ideas.  She and Jimmy were fighting more and more, since his bookie persona turned into being a fixer, which turned into getting deeper and deeper into the mob.  She wanted him to stay out of that kind of life, so she begged him to stay where he was.  And he did, if just for her.  He missed her, but wanted her to be proud of him.

He thought he’d attend law school, try to make a name for himself.  Only he didn’t have the money.  So he did the next best thing: he got a job to raise that money.  His almost perfect grades did attract a few companies since his degree was in business.  The one that intrigued him the most though was IYS Insurance.  He could make his way up the ladder quickly, possibly travel and make enough money to save to attend law school.  Once he started working and saw how much fun it was to chase people who stole the insurance company’s money, then he was hooked.  Investigating claims was much better than sitting at some desk.

Solving problems became his next addiction.  If someone couldn’t figure out a case or why something had gone wrong or sometimes why a claim was not paid, they’d bring it to him.  His mind worked so fast, sometimes the person who brought him the problem couldn’t keep up.  He made a name for himself as a problem solver, which got the attention of the higher ups, which in turn had him moving up the ladder much faster than most people employed there had ever done.  In the first five years of being there, he’d moved up to one of the best positions for someone his age.  His addiction was paying off.  He may not have had a girlfriend or many friends for that matter, but he had his job.


	4. Chapter Four—Obsession and Addiction, Or Being an Adult

Chapter Four—Obsession and Addiction, Or Being an Adult

Being transferred to art theft and insuring art though was thought to be the cream of the crop at IYS.  Five years of slaving, saving the company possibly millions of dollars in bogus claims had caught the eye of the head of IYS.  Nate was set.  He’d start traveling, investigating art theft and helping to insure that others would not steal from these collectors so that IYS didn’t have to pay out large sums if that happened.  It was only on his second case that he met her.  She was stunning, blonde hair, dimples, body to die for.  He was hooked.  Only she wasn’t interested in him at all.  His failures started creeping back into his system, as he made mistake after mistake.  Nate was lucky though.  She sympathized with him and then helped him solve the case.  She still turned him down to go out, but his confidence was restored.

After wearing her down by asking her to coffee at least a dozen times, she finally relented and met up with him.  Maggie was magic, he thought at the time.  He was obsessed with her, much like he was obsessed with Emily in high school.  She definitely wasn’t Emily in any way.  She challenged him, made him see things differently.  In some ways, she was much smarter than he was, especially when it came to people.  He studied her, watched her as she interacted with people and learned.  Only he never became addicted to her.  He couldn’t pinpoint why that wasn’t the case.  Maybe that’s why he must be in love with her, he mused one night after they had sex in a bed, almost like an old, married couple.  They seemed to fit, seemed to fall into almost routine companionship that eased his mind.  He could concentrate on his addiction to his work and not worry about his love life.  It soothed his mind and made him feel better about himself.  She was his rock, or so he thought.

She’d often grumble when he’d travel off to foreign lands and be gone for weeks at a time.  Her life at her job was interesting she’d told him one night, but she felt the need to spread her wings, so she went back to school and got her PhD, completing it in record time since he was gone more than he was home.  They were married two years after they met, in the church where his old friend from the neighborhood, Father Paul, had settled.  She was good for him, he thought.  Just what he needed.

Ten years of working for IYS and Nate didn’t regret a thing. He had a beautiful wife, a great job and a nice house that they had just purchased with his bonus from the year before.  His bosses trusted him enough to put him in charge of some of the biggest clients they had.

 


	5. Chapter Five—Obsession and Addiction All Rolled Into One, or The Woman in the Red Dress

Chapter Five—Obsession and Addiction All Rolled Into One, or The Woman in the Red Dress

It was working with one of those biggest clients where he saw her.  The face, the red dress, the body, her eyes.  Her eyes were what drew him in.  In an instant, he went from working for a client to secure his art to obsession.  He had to find out who she was.  This wasn’t the obsession of Maggie that he had at the beginning to get a date.  This woman could certainly become an addiction if Nate wasn’t careful.  He was married, kid on the way, which was slowly becoming an addiction too.  When he discovered that she could possibly be responsible for the theft of the client’s Degas, that intrigued him even more.  He didn’t know her name, where she was from or anything else about her.  Putting her out of his mind wasn’t possible.

His son was born a few months after Prague and his encounter with the woman in the red dress. Although most of his mind was now occupied with his newborn son, a corner was reserved just for her.  Curious was that he never thought of Maggie in this way.  As his son grew, he obsessed about everything regarding him.  He watched as he took his first steps, uttered his first words, which were dada and baba, and as he slept through the night the first time.  Everything his son did was an obsession.  Luckily it seemed that Maggie was just as intrigued by their son, so when Nate returned to the road, Maggie gleefully updated him on Sam’s progress, taking more photos than humanly possible.  Nate was itching to get back on the road.

The lady in the red dress reappeared in Damascus, apparently after more art, some insured by IYS, some not.  He stopped her and got her name also.  Sophie Devereaux seemed to fit.  Only she now had on a sundress and large glasses that shaded her eyes as she stuck out her hand in greeting.  Nate just stood and stared as he gripped her hand in his, as she lowered her glasses to look into his eyes once again.

“Nice to meet you, Ms. Devereaux.”

“And you are well, Mr. Ford?”

And she knew his name.  Of course she did if she was an art thief.

“English?” he questioned.

“American,” she answered, but about him not about herself.

“Stay out of trouble.”

She laughed at him, hand still in his.  He didn’t want to let go.  And on some level, neither did she because her fingers lingered on his.  Her dark eyes sparkled in the sunlight just as her smile deepened.

“Catch me if you can.”

And the race was on.  He didn’t always see her, but knew when she was near.  She’d tried to take more art with him around than she had when he wasn’t chasing her.  She’d leave him letters, postcards, sometimes flowers even and once a bottle of the best whiskey in the country that she could find.  Every time she ran into him, she was impeccably dressed, like she knew exactly the time and place where it would happen.   He wasn’t always dressed well and sometimes looked like he’d slept in his suit.  Sophie never commented on that, just goaded him to do better every single time.  It was a game.  And it was more fun than he’d ever had.

She was his obsession, his addiction.  Maggie knew something was up and pressured him even more to stay home where he was supposedly needed.  He’d play dutiful husband, then run off to Italy to catch Sophie in a play.  He’d play dutiful father, then run off to catch Sophie trying to steal a masterpiece in Russia.  He’d play dutiful employee, then run off to catch Sophie lift a piece of jewelry from a Countess.  So all his obsessions, all his addictions started to not mean as much as they did before.  Sure, they still were important. His son was the most important thing in his heart.  His wife was important in his life. His job was important in his life.  Only Sophie seemed to have captured that part of his heart that he had shielded from the rest of the world.  He’d never give that part back, even if he never saw her again.

Was he lying to Maggie every time he told her he loved her?  No, he wasn’t.  Was he lying to Sam every time he told him that he was the most important thing he’d ever had?  Certainly not.  His addiction told him otherwise though, so that’s why he’d never give into this one.  His other addictions he gave into, such as Sam or Emily or his job or his studies.  Never Sophie.


	6. Chapter Six—Giving in to Obsession or Life Sucks

Chapter Six—Giving in to Obsession or Life Sucks

When Sam was six, he developed a cough that wouldn’t go away.  Nate didn’t understand why someone couldn’t fix this and told them so.  No one could take away his little boy, a part of him that no one else could share, even Maggie.  He’d come to think of Sam like he did Sophie, only he could give in to Sam, each and every time.  He was an indulgent dad, taking his boy to the park when he asked, spending time even when he didn’t ask, teaching him things like baseball and how to play cards.  If he couldn’t have Sophie in his life, he’d definitely have Sam there.  Until he was sick.  Then the possibility of losing Sam became all too real.  It wasn’t a puzzle that he could solve himself, like his job.  He’d have to trust the doctors, have to put his faith that his son would pull through this.

Even explaining it to Sophie once, he realized that if he lost Sam, he’d lose himself and not anyone, even Sophie, could save him.  Or that’s what he thought would happen.  Two years later, Sam was gone.

The addictions that he had left weren’t ones that were good ones to have.  No job, no marriage, no son, no Sophie.  All he had was his mind and it was in turmoil.  His father was imprisoned and his mother long since passed. He had no one to rely on, no one to hold him when it became too painful.  Maggie didn’t understand what he needed nor did he understand what she needed.  It had been that way most of their marriage, Sam dying had amplified it to the nth degree.  She cut him loose because she needed to cut him loose.  He didn’t blame her, he blamed himself.

As he stumbled on for two more years, his addictions increasingly became worse. He drank too much, way too much.  He didn’t care who he hurt or who he walked over.  The alcohol deadened the pain, deadened his brain so that it wouldn’t obsess over losing Sam, losing Maggie, losing his life that he had meticulously built for twenty years of his obsessing.

He often thought of Sophie and where she had ended up. He searched for her, but couldn’t find her.  She’d gone to ground, getting out of the business once and for all.  Good for her.  At least the thieving and grifting hadn’t become an obsession for her or an addiction, or so he thought.  Once the job came to him, by the form of Victor Dubenich, he figured he could be set, be able to live, drink and drown his sorrows once and for all.  There might be better ways to commit suicide, but this was the only way he could stomach it.  Drinking yourself to death was a better way than putting a gun to your head.

The three criminals in front of him all had their obsessions laid out for him, but he’d use these to get what the client wanted, so he could get what he wanted and they could all go their own way.

Parker had her obsession with climbing, rappelling and generally stealing anything she could get her hands on.  Hardison had his obsession in breaking into anything that was technologically based and beating that system.  And Eliot Spencer, his obsession was hitting anything that moved against him violently.  Nate never wanted to be near the man when he took someone down.

He should have seen it coming, but with his obsession in completing the job, he didn’t.  And the alcohol didn’t help one bit.  They’d been bested, almost blown up and almost arrested.  Time for payback and money and lots of it.  He’d found Sophie a few months before and had planned on seeing her act on stage once the job was done, if just for old time sake.  But there she was, in all her glory on that stage and in that alley.  His biggest obsession, his most costly addiction.  Sophie Devereaux, in the flesh.  His knees almost gave out as he breathed in her scent. His addiction roared through his body, worse than before.  He couldn’t let it show, never to her.

 


	7. Chapter Seven—The Best and Worst Addiction of All or It’s all About Control

Chapter Seven—The Best and Worst Addiction of All or It’s all About Control

He’d drink more when she was around to show her she didn’t matter as much.  When he stared though, when he was lost in his own thoughts, it was all Sophie.  It was only when she told him not to wait too long, that the wheels started spinning.  In the back of his mind, he knew he could have her if he wanted.  There was no stopping him, except for the fact that once he had her, she might not be his obsession any more, just like with Maggie. 

As he shook with withdrawals, the second time in so many months, his thoughts were only on Sophie. He’d beat this addiction he had to alcohol so he could prove worthy to himself and to Sophie that he could kick the habit.  And he did, until she left him again, trying to figure out her own addictions, her own obsessions with personas and who she really was.  Once he thought he’d never forgive her for leaving him, even when he buried himself in the bottle again, if just for a con.

His obsession with conning came to a head finally, with him making the ultimate mistake and going to jail for it.  He trusted his skills too much, trusted his planning too much, without Sophie there to guide him.  His addiction was turned on its head and smashed to the ground, all because he thought he was invincible.  His obsessions and addictions didn’t mean as much, so he either pushed them away (his team) or made them inconsequential (Sophie’s feelings), to protect himself.  He was done with obsessing, he was done with addictions, only his body wasn’t cooperating.  He needed the cons, he needed his self-made family, but his mind kept pushing them away, pushing himself with more elaborate ploys.  They all saw through him, realizing what he needed and didn’t leave him to flounder like all the others had. They accepted him for what he was, an obsessed, lonely, addicted man with a heart, just like he accepted them as criminals, thieves and the most honest people he had ever known.

He sighed as he watched Hardison tap away at the keyboard, as Eliot tended his scraped elbow, as Parker practiced her lock picking skills, as Sophie stared back at him, smiling as she did.  His obsession had turned itself around finally, actually doing something good for him.  He realized right then that he loved them all, for their skills, for their individuality, for their kindness, for they were family.

All the other addictions of control went out the window that day, as he watched them all just be.  All he’d wanted was some kind of control over his life and now he finally had that.  He had children, although they weren’t exactly that much younger than he was, a job he craved, although he never really loved it, and a woman who understood his addictions and took them at face value, but made him a better man.  They trusted him, they needed him and that was all he ever wanted, at least now that he’d figured it out after all those years of obsessing.

“Deep thoughts?” Sophie whispered in his ear.

“Very deep thoughts,” he answered in kind.

As she wandered up the stairs slowly, he saw that the others were caught up in their own obsessions.  A mere ten minutes later, so that it wouldn’t seem obvious, he quietly made his way to greet Sophie as she curled up on his bed, reading a book.

“Since Hardison took those bloody sofas away, there’s not a proper place to read with good light.”

“I’ll bet,” he tried to agree, but it wasn’t working.

He smiled her way as she stretched her leg toward him. Sophie was still his addiction, still his obsession, but now it was right and true.  As he sank down on the bed with her, as he felt every curve, every part of her, he realized this was where he wanted to be.  Damn the job, damn the life, damn everything.  If he could have this every day, touching her, curled up next to her, on top of her, underneath her, beside her, then that would be enough. 

“You and your addictions,” Sophie sighed as she came down from his fingers pressed inside of her.

“You have total control,” he said as he lay on his back.

Sophie snorted as she watched him, eyes dark, smile wicked.

“Oh dear me, what shall I do?”

“Feed your addictions.”

“Better than whiskey.  Better than cons.  Better than vanilla ice cream.”

“Now you’re making me hungry,” he kidded, laughing a little as she tickled him.

She took her time as she sank over him, taking him in slowly as she did.

“You flip me over, Nathan Ford, and there will be hell to pay,” she said as she leaned down to kiss him.

“You’re in the driver’s seat,” he groaned as she twisted just the way he liked it.

Maybe his obsession with Emily had paid off after all.


End file.
